The Four Agreements: Ancient Toltec Wisdom or a Primer on Modern Psychology?

Posted by: John A. Johnson, Ph.D.

Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom is one of those rare books that punches far above its weight. Just 138 pages, it boasts a title nearly as long as the text itself. Ruiz claims the ideas in the book stem from the Toltecs—mystics and sages who lived in what is now Mexico over a thousand years ago. But reading this short, spiritually framed guide feels more like sitting through a masterclass in modern psychology than studying ancient shamanic rites.

Toltec Teachings or Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy?

Despite its mystic packaging, The Four Agreements is strikingly similar to the principles behind cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), humanistic psychology, and transactional analysis. Ruiz begins with a powerful premise: that children are born authentic—loving, curious, and playful—but quickly learn to seek love and avoid criticism by adopting the “agreements” of their caregivers.

This concept mirrors Carl Rogers’ idea of conditions of worth: behaviors that children learn they must adopt to be accepted. These conditions gradually shape an unconscious life script, a term coined by Eric Berne in transactional analysis. These scripts—internalized messages about who we are and what we’re worth—can be highly irrational, restrictive, and false.

Cognitive psychologists like Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck devoted their careers to helping people identify and replace these destructive inner narratives. Ruiz’s answer? Rewrite the script through new agreements. Let’s take a look at the four agreements he offers.

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

This agreement calls us to speak truthfully and with integrity—not only to others, but to ourselves. Words shape perception. As social constructivists and CBT practitioners alike would argue, language creates reality. Albert Ellis encouraged people to challenge their negative self-talk. Ruiz simply urges us to be “impeccable”—to avoid the poison of lies and cruelty in favor of words that uplift and heal.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

This is perhaps the hardest agreement to live by, but it’s also one of the most liberating. Ruiz reminds us that the way others treat us often reflects their internal world, not our own worth. Each person interprets life through their own lens. If we internalize their projections, we risk carrying burdens that were never ours to begin with. Not taking things personally means maintaining boundaries and recognizing that subjectivity is universal.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

Assumptions are toxic—especially those about what others think or feel about us. In CBT, Aaron Beck labeled this mental trap Mind Reading. It’s a cognitive distortion rooted in fear and fueled by a lack of communication. Ruiz’s answer is simple but powerful: ask questions instead of making assumptions. Seek clarity. Verify your story. As simple as this advice sounds, it’s rarely practiced.

4. Always Do Your Best

Ruiz’s final agreement reminds us to balance self-discipline with self-compassion. “Doing your best” is a dynamic standard—it looks different on days you’re rested versus days you’re not. But doing your best is about showing up, with intention, over and over again. And when you inevitably fall short? You respond with grace, not punishment.

Skeptical? Good.

Is this really ancient Toltec wisdom? Or are we just hearing a reframed version of 20th-century psychology? It’s a fair question—and one skeptics have every right to ask. As one of those skeptics myself, I appreciate Ruiz’s follow-up book, The Fifth Agreement, which encourages: “Be skeptical, but learn to listen.”

That’s a sentiment any critical thinker—or thoughtful therapist—can respect.

Final Thought

Whether or not the Four Agreements come from the Toltecs or the tools of modern psychology, the impact remains the same. These principles offer a deceptively simple, yet psychologically sophisticated roadmap for personal freedom. In a world that rarely pauses long enough for reflection, Ruiz gives us something both timeless and timely: a reminder that the power to change our lives begins with the stories we agree to believe.

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